Across the Board: Greek Wedding Traditions (Part 2), The Reception and Beyond

...Continued from Part 1
Did you read about the basics of a Greek Wedding, the traditions of getting ready and the ceremony customs? If not, click here, then read on in this post for fun details about the Reception!! I worked at a Greek wedding last night, and was so fascinated to see all of the things I've been reading come to life at this beautiful venue, for this beautiful couple. Oh and by the way, they had a HUGE wedding party- about 20 people- including 2 flower girls and 2 ring bearers, so customs do change over time and space. When it was time for introductions, they introduced all of these people, plus parents, plus the bride and groom, went in for the first dance, then had FOUR toasts and a blessing before salads came out. Whew! What a start to a great celebration!

Reception-

During the ceremony, there was so much deep symbolism and history, and the reception is no different. Here are some of the components of the party part of this celebration:

Bread- Bread appears on every table in Greece at almost every meal. It has a ritualistic place on the table on feast days, so it's important at weddings and celebrations as well. There are certain breads for different holidays throughout the year, including New Years, Easter and Christmas, and there may be a special bread chosen for the wedding.

Food- A wedding in Greece is full of traditional Greek foods, and many Greek descendants around the world have carried a love for these foods with them, so you will likely see some/all of these at a Greek wedding. A hot, dry climate sets the tone for the Greek menu, which relies heavily on fresh food and seafood. Fishermen catch and provide sustenance from the Mediterranean. Farmers cultivate lemons, eggplant, artichokes and other fresh fruits and vegetables, and many ruminant animals provide mouthwatering lamb, pork and chicken dishes, as well as the ingredients for cheese and fresh, thick Greek yogurt. The most important food in Greece may be the olive, and olive oil makes an appearance in almost every dish. One popular, vegetable-laden dish is the eggplant-based moussaka. 
  At Cocktail Hour, you may see a selection of bite-sized appetizers -- known collectively as mezé -- often grouped together on a platter so that people can share and enjoy them. A mezethakia platter usually offers a variety of tastes, textures and colors and includes items such as cheese, radishes, almonds, figs, anchovies, capers and marinated olives. Also, perhaps the most popular Greek snack (kolatsio) is the gyro, a pita sandwich made of seasoned meat, salad and tzatziki sauce, a blend of yogurt, cucumber and garlic. Spanakopita, a spinach and cheese pie, is another well-known example of kolatsio, as well as tiropita, a similar treat without the spinach and with a few kinds of cheese inside. 

   To satisfy a sweet tooth, Greeks layer nuts and honey into thin sheets of phyllo dough to make sweet snacks called baklava. Greeks often end a meal with fresh fruit, but they do enjoy pastries as snacks. Many Greek sweets are doused in honey, a throwback to the ancient gods' love of ambrosia and nectar. Though mortals weren't allowed to eat those two items, honey served as a most welcome substitute. Honey-drenched doughnuts called loukoumades are just one of Greece's favorite sweets.

Check out these Greek-inspired wedding cakes!

Drink- Greek people so enjoy each other's company that they look for an excuse, in the form of a drinkable liquid, to linger at the table and spend more time together. This may come in the form of coffee or a bit of ouzo- an anise-flavored spirit distilled from grapes, figs or raisins and blended with spices and sugar. Yum! 

Dance-  and I mean dance! The Greek people love a celebration, and they love to dance. In fact, ancient Greeks believed that music nurtures man's relationship with the gods. Long ago, Plato & Aristotle were supporters and proponents of music education and felt that it was very important to the development of their younger generations. Today, dancing is key to a Greek celebration, and especially a wedding! 

A traditional Greek band is a staple at any Greek festival or wedding. These bands include instruments Western audiences are familiar with, such as the clarinet, violin and guitar, but they also incorporate traditional Greek instruments, including the guitar-like bouzouki, the bagpipe known as a gaida, and the toumbi drum. With their unique sound, Greek musicians entice revelers to dance traditional circle dances and line dances throughout the night. Unlike Jewish weddings in America, where we typically do the hora one time and then move on to more popular, well-known music for the remainder of the night, I was surprised and amazed to see that the Greek people enjoy Greek music throughout the night, and do many more Greek dances as the party goes on. In America today, they may tie in a few non-Greek songs here and there to incorporate the current culture of their lives, but the wedding I worked last night had multiple dances with everybody, and then a few with just the guys, just the girls, just the older generation of ladies, and so on. So many different dances and songs, it was so cool! 

The Newlywed Dance (AKA the Money Dance)- This dance is performed about halfway through the night in Greece by the newlyweds to honor their guests. It is also a chance for their guests while the couple is dancing to pin money on them or throw money in their direction as a gift. This money is known to either be put toward the band for the night (more commonly), or toward the couple's new life together. Throughout the night, many guests will throw money in the bride and groom's direction, or toward the parents, siblings and young children on the dance floor. The band may collect it as the night goes on or at the end of the party (typically, a broom and dustpan is the best way to do this). In preparation, guests may bring many $1 bills along. I even saw that a guest had the paper belt from a pack of 100 $1 bills on the table at the end of the night and would guess that there was at least $2,000 on the floor. 

Syrtos Dancing- One example of Greek dancing in which the dancers hold hands in a circle, moving counter-clockwise. The lead dancer is the one at the right end of the line and may be connected to the person next to him by holding a handkerchief or scarf between them- this allows him to dance more elaborately and twirl without letting go of the dancing line. The Syrtos dance is slower than its counterpart, the Kalamatianós.

Kalamatianós Dancing- Another common dance, the dancers hold hands in a circle and twirl counter-clockwise for 10 steps, then switch to a clockwise direction for 2 steps. The stepping may lead to jumping or squatting as the dance continues (if the dancers are able!) and the lead dancer again holds a handkerchief as in the Syrtos dance.

The Whiskey Dance- Sometimes at a Greek wedding, some of the gentlemen will dance around a few bottles of whiskey and full shot glasses on the floor, drinking the shots and managing not to knock over the bottles. If they're skilled enough (and can handle their liquor), they may even take the shot without using their hands. Check it out here:

Throwing of the Bouquet & Garter- This tradition has been passed on from other cultures. At the end of the evening, all single girls gather on the dance floor. The bride, at a fair distance from them with her back turned to them, throws her bouquet in the air at random. The girl who caches the bouquet is known to be the next to be married. Similarly, the groom ‘crawls’ under the bride's skirt, removes the garter from the bride’s leg with his mouth and then throws it to the single men, who are also gathered at a distance on the dance floor. The man who catches it is the next one to be married.

Plate smashing- This traditional Greek folk custom involving the throwing and breaking of plates or glasses during celebratory occasions is no longer the stereotypical practice that it seems to foreigners. In fact, it happens very rarely in Greece today because it is considered a dangerous practice and was even outlawed in the taverns of Greece in 1969. When it does happen, the establishment has obtained a license and/or the hosts have often purchased less expensive, more easily breakable plaster plates for the occasion.  It does continue to be seen on certain occasions in Greece, such as weddings, and around the world at Greek-themed venues and restaurants. Some restaurants even cater to the urge to break plates by having a special designated breaking area, but be careful if you go to one- they will charge you for the plates you break! 

Where did this custom come from? The practice is said to have begun in ancient Greece, and may have brought about kefi, which translates to good spirits and fun. Some believe that it can ward off evil spirits or bring good luck, and some have historically shown their appreciation for a band that's accompanying their revelry by smashing plates at their feet (today, they throw flowers instead).  It may derive from an ancient practice of ritually "killing" plates on mourning occasions, as a means of dealing with loss, or it may be related to the ancient practice of conspicuous consumption, a display of one's wealth, as plates or glasses are thrown into a fireplace following a banquet instead of being washed and reused (very uncommon today). 

A plate might also be broken when two lovers parted, so that they would be able to recognize each other by matching the two halves even if many years passed before they met again. Small split versions of the mysterious Phaistos disk are used by modern Greek jewelers this way, with one half kept and worn by each of the couple.

Shouting "Opa!"- The actual meaning of "Opa!" is more like "Oops" or "Whoops!" Among Greeks, you might hear it after someone bumps into something or drops or breaks an object. Because of this, you may also hear it during the now-rare breaking of plates in Greek restaurants and nightclubs as a sound of praise for the singers, dancers, or other performers. This may actually be where it got its extra meaning as a sound of praise - originally used after the breakage occurred, and then becoming associated with the act of praising the performers. Now it is used as an exclamation, a call for attention or an invitation to join in a circle dance. 

Tips if you're attending a Greek wedding- My best advice is to eat a good meal in the morning (the ceremony is pretty long, and you'll eat a lot at night, but maybe not for many hours), bring a modest gift (money is always the best gift at the wedding itself), a lot of cash to throw, an appetite (for the reception) and comfortable dancing shoes.
   When deciding upon your outfit, consider that in church, women are expected to wear skirts (or dresses) and stockings. You can't show too much skin and need to cover your shoulders. You can't look like you're going to a night club, but at the same time, you don't want to look too corporate. You don't want to wear something that you've already worn to another big event like a wedding or christening. Check out this post on Greekweddingtraditions.com's blog for 10 tips to prepare for a Greek church ceremony.

After the Wedding- 

I read an interview online with a bride who had gotten married in Crete. When asked what they did after the wedding, she replied, "What every couple does after the wedding--We took our guests to a restaurant/club and danced all night...and of course there was lots of drinking and eating! We had the time of our lives"! I don't know if this is typical of all Greek weddings, but it's something a little bit different to think about.  Remember, in Italian weddings, the party goes on all night until guests can't eat or dance any more.

Wedding Attire- 

Bride's dress- The image that comes to mind is a bride who looks almost like a Greek statue, a muse, a beautiful goddess.  This is a combination of historical knowledge, popular culture and marketing on the part of clothing companies. The truth is that the footprint of the Greek wedding dress style can be easily distinguished through the unique and simple cut of the gown that manages to preserve the femininity of the woman. Sometimes, it's a straight sheath style, possibly on one shoulder, maybe with a rope-like fabric tied in or around. Sometimes it's not- that's up to the bride. Interestingly, the silhouette of Greek wedding dresses drapes beautifully, hides any figure flaws, and gives a very statuesque, elegant look, which is why it has been trending worldwide for years and. After all, it is a "fashion trend" that has stood the test of time beautifully.

Bride's shoes- It is believed that if a bride writes her single friends' names on the bottom of her shoes, the first to wear off is the next to be married. Also, she buys her shoes a bit big so that they will have the best 'fit' when money is used to cushion her feet for the day.

Hair & Jewelry- Greek women often have long, dark beautiful hair and may have it done up or down with curls, braids, silver/gold leaves, and even floral or sparkly hairpieces and bands.  Again, this is a matter of preference, but I saw some gorgeous hairstyles yesterday, right down to the flower girl(s). As far as jewelry goes, the Greek bride has, since ancient times, dazzled in elaborate jewelry on her wedding day as it is a very significant moment in her life.  Ancient Greeks believed that the diamond reflected the flame of love, and thought of them to be the teardrops of the gods. Today's brides still hold the same belief that the wedding and marriage are sacred, they are to share the bond of marriage with someone whom they love, and they might as well dazzle in the process!

A Sweet Superstition- It is thought that is the bride hides a lump of sugar in her bra or her glove, she will be sure of a sweet life.

Italian-Greek Similarities- Given the close proximity of Italy and Greece, it makes sense that there are so many similarities between the two cultures' wedding traditions.  In addition to those already mentioned, to ward off evil, the groom may hide a piece of iron in his pocket. Sometimes, to save money toward the honeymoon, the Groom's tie is cut into many pieces and sold at the reception.

Mothers of the Bride & Groom- Gold is a very common accent color at Greek weddings, and may be the color that the mothers choose to wear.

Covering Your Shoulders- As in Jewish weddings, it is often frowned upon or unacceptable to show your shoulders in a place of worship, so if a bride falls in love with a strapless gown, she may need to find a shawl or a bolero.

Groom- These days, the groom is often dressed in a suit or tuxedo and tie. In the past, he may have worn a sort of kilt-like skirt as demonstrated by these traditional Greek dancers (who are sometimes hired for wedding and event entertainment). He may be adorned with a flower, have a piece of iron in his pocket, have a smile on his face and loving pride in his heart. Oh, and he might decide to wear cool sunglasses like these for the entrance to the reception!

Once again, Greek weddings are steeped in tradition, love, music, dance, food and fun! Last night, the bride's mom brought along 6 big trays of homemade Greek cookies and they provided containers so that guests could take some home. Amazing :) A lot of love went into that, and you could feel it in the air <3

Across the Board: Greek Wedding Traditions (Part 1)

LoL, so I have to start this post with a laugh at the power of the internet to distract us, even when we have a mission in mind. Today, I decided to "research" and write about Greek Wedding Traditions, inspired by an upcoming Greek wedding at which I'll be working. First, I considered what I already knew- not much, but mainly what the movies of my generation deemed I should know. I quickly relived and re-loved My Big Fat Greek Wedding through the trailer and 'best bits' I found online, and found out that there's a sequel in the works, set 10 years into the marriage of Toula & Ian Miller. Can't wait! 

Then, I considered the movie Mamma Mia, with its breathtaking views of the Greek island of Kalokairi, its sweet & fun scenes of Sophie & Sky's wedding, all of the high-energy ABBA songs, and of course, the memorable & loving morning prep routine of Sophie and her Mom the day of the wedding. 

I focused my thoughts on what I knew about Greek Weddings and Greek families- It seemed that many family members had the same/similar names (confusing to me), families are close-knit and are made up of many loud, plate-breaking, hungry, history-sharing, strong-willed, funny, accented, traditional, religious and sometimes overwhelming individuals. Oh, and Greece is beautiful. 

I found a few examples of Greek Orthodox weddings online (2 in Europe and 1 in the US). I loved seeing the unique customs, thinking about the symbolism and the history, while also noting the similarities between Greek Weddings and other weddings I've already learned about in the Weddings Across the Board series of posts.  The sugared almonds, the groom bringing the bride's bouquet, the hora and other similar dances, the abundance of music, of dancing and of love. Weddings are truly amazing celebrations across the board and in Greece, this is no exception. 

See these great wedding videos before or after you read on:

Chris & Crisso's beautiful Birmingham wedding (Note: This is in Birmingham, England)

Demetri & Theodora's wedding 

Billy & Niki's Greek Wedding in New Jersey 

After I built up enough curiosity and hit the web for answers, here's what I found out. Of course, we know that wedding customs and traditions vary slightly in different regions, in different religions, in different families and in different time periods. Some of these customs are very common in most Greek weddings today, and some may be less prevalent. I honor, respect and revel in the chance to learn how others celebrate, and hope that this post brings you knowledge, enlightenment, instruction and inspiration--whatever you're looking for. For me, I'll go into a wedding next weekend feeling informed and prepared for whatever different (and "strange", to some) things may happen. That being said, if you know more on the topic than I do (which is quite likely), leave a comment, teach us all something new, and consider sharing a Greek wedding experience that you've had! It's more than welcome, and so are you :) 

About Greek Culture & Greek Weddings:

Greece has a rich history, and many of its traditions stem from the importance of religion. Since 312 A.D., the Greek Orthodox Church has been a major influence in everyday Greek Life. Approximately 98 percent of Greece's population belongs to this church (wow!) and many of the culture's traditional celebrations center around sacramental services in the church, from birth and birthdays to marriage to death. This keeps people's lives firmly rooted in the church and in Greek culture. 

   Family is also at the core of many Greek cultural traditions, and gender also plays an important role in the family dynamic, as males have historically been more visible in the public eye (though this has begun to change in the past few decades). Because family is so important in Greek culture, it's expected that children will get married, and they typically do so in big celebrations full of socializing, food, music and dancing. 

   In Greece, your name is important because it links you to both family and the church. In each generation and branch of the family tree, the eldest grandson is named after his grandfather, and the eldest granddaughter is named after her grandmother. Therefore, if a couple has 6 children- and 3 go on to have male children first, while the other 3 go on to have girls first, all 6 cousins will share 2 names. This is an ancient tradition that ensures the continuation of a family name. For Greeks, regardless of how old you are, Name Day is an important celebration (often involving an open house, food and dancing) because it ties you to your namesake saint, which Orthodox Christians believe brings you closer to God. Those who have local or foreign names not associated with saints may celebrate on All Saints' Day instead.
   As Toula's mother quoted in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, there's a saying in Greece that goes: The husband may be the head of the house, but the mother is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants.  Greek marriages happen to have one of the lowest divorce rates in the world, and it can be attributed to strong relationships, morals and shared religious values. 

Before the Wedding-

Choosing a Date- In many cultures, there are certain dates that should be avoided when planning a wedding. In Greece and with Greek weddings around the world, it is customary to avoid:
- January 5th-6th
- Great Lent & Holy Week
- August 1st-15th
- August 29th (the Beheading of St. John the Baptist)
- September 14th (the Exaltation of the Holy Cross)
- December 13th-25th
- and the day before feast days and all Holy Days of the Lord
Otherwise, the calendar is open for your selection. 

Some Greek couples have a krevati (or bed-making ceremony) a few days before the wedding to bless the marital bed and the couple's fertility. Family members and close friends are invited to the house of the betrothed couple to witness the Priest blessing the wedding rings. A few individuals make the bed, then the couple's families come into the bedroom to wish the two of them a happy life together and throw money on the bed, to help them out in their new beginning. At the end of the ritual, they sometimes put a baby girl or boy on the bed, depending upon their wishes for the gender of their first child. This is sometimes called 'flipping of the baby'. 

The morning of the wedding, the Groom gets ready with good friends and family members at his parents' house. His Koumbaro (like a Best Man- see Ceremony below) gives him his ‘last shave' (before marriage, that is) and makes sure he is dressed and ready, while a violin player and singer provide a musical soundtrack to praise the groom before his departure from his home.

At some point in the morning, the Groom prepares and sends a gift package to the bride on a silver platter, which includes her shoes and money to cushion her feet throughout the day, and surrounded by almonds (a symbol of fertility). He sends his Koumbaro to deliver these gifts, and he is the one who helps her into her shoes (and places the money inside until they are the "perfect fit"). Oftentimes, the more money, the better the fit.  There are many rituals in his morning routine, including drinking three sips of wine, given to him by his mother in a ceramic cup, then throwing it on the ground. Sometimes, he'll throw it behind him and walk away without turning back, symbolizing the leaving of his parents and the joining of his wife. His parents and close friends tie a red scarf around his waist 3 times, signifying his fertility. 

Throughout the morning, the bride gets ready with friends and family at her parents' house. She may have a Koumbara (like a Maid of Honor), and may have one additional bridesmaid or may not have any. Oftentimes (especially in Crete), friends are involved and helpful, handing out favors and being there while she gets ready, but the only bridesmaid is on the smaller side- more like a flower girl, in fact. This small girl, or sometimes (but less often, small boy) is called “paranymfakia”. Her/his main responsibility is to hold the bride’s dress as she walks down the aisle. Sometimes in Greek-style weddings around the world (especially in the U.S.), there are multiple bridesmaids and a Maid/Matron of Honor instead or in addition. 
   The bride also drinks wine (from her parents) and breaks the cup. Her parents and close friends also tie a red scarf around her waist 3 times, signifying her virginity. 

Typically, the bride & groom travel to the church separately, accompanied by family and friends from their parents' houses. If it's too far, family and friends wave them off as they get into cars headed for the church. Musicians play (often violin and other string instruments) on the way, and the groom sometimes brings the bride's bouquet to the church for her.

Ceremony- 

The Greek wedding ceremony is full of tradition, ritual and historic symbolism. It is a beautiful service, often held in a Greek Orthodox church and it is mainly orchestrated and pronounced by the Priest. It has 8 basic parts:
1. The Betrothal: The priest blesses the rings 3 times, then the Koumbaro or Koumbara exchanges rings that are placed on the bride & groom's right ring fingers. 
2. The Lighting of the Candles
3. The Crowning: The couple is crowned with stefana. The couple is now officially wed!
4. The Blessing: The Priest reads from the Bible.
5. A Shared Drink: The bride & groom sip wine from a common cup. 
6. The First Steps: The newly married pair walks around the sacrament table, or altar, 3 times. 
7. The Prayer & the Blessing- The Priest blesses the wife and husband with a prayer. 
8. Proclamation of Husband and Wife- The Priest removes the crowns and charges the newlyweds to go forward in peace. They are proclaimed husband & wife at the end of the ceremony. 

Koumbari (or Koumbaroi)- Like a best man (koumbaro) and Maid of Honor (koumbara), these individuals are religious supporters of the betrothed couple.  They often become the godparents of the couple's children, and may be asked to contribute financially toward the Stefana, candles and koufeta favors. These individuals must have been baptized in the church, and if they are married, they must have been married in the church, as that's a requirement to become a godparent. They are participants in a few parts of the service, including the crowning ceremony and circling. They may be friends (who are becoming like family by doing the bride & groom this honor), and may even be the couple's godparents.

Stefana- These ornate crowns are often connected by a ribbon, blessed and placed on the bride & groom's heads during the service. This crowning ceremony joins the couple and establishes them as the King and Queen of their home. The crowns can be made of twigs wrapped in gold or silver, flowers, vines or precious stones or metals. Couples keep the crowns forever, and it is not until death that the ribbon between them is cut, the crowns then buried with each partner. Sometimes, after the wedding, the couple will store the crowns in a Stefanothiki, or a special crown case. This is said to preserve their beauty and serve as a visual reminder of the sacrament of their wedding day. It may be hung or displayed in the home, wherever the married couple chooses. 

Rings-  Traditionally in Greek weddings, the couple often uses their engagement rings for the wedding as well. They will eventually wear this ring on their right hand, so they move it to the left hand before the ceremony. The exchanging of the rings, which is switched back and forth 3 times, signifies that in married life, the weakness of one partner will be compensated by the strength of the other. Together, the newly married couple are complete and made perfect. 

Circling- Near the end of the service, the couple walks together in 3 circles around a table that holds the Gospel and the Cross, following the Priest's lead, with the Koumbari and the paranymfakia in tow while a hymn is sung. This circling symbolizing eternity and reminds the newly married couple of the sacrificial love they are to have for each other. By circling the table, the couple signifies their oath to preserve the marriage bond forever, until death. The triple circling is in honor of the Holy Trinity. 

The Common Cup- Following the readings and brief prayers, the common cup, containing a small portion of wine, is presented to the bride and groom. The priest blesses the cup and offers it to the newly joined husband and wife, representing their equal share in the cup of life.

The Foot "Stomp"- There is a phrase at the end of the apostolic reading St. Paul addressed to the Ephesians that says "Let the wife fear her husband". In older days, many believed that it advised every woman to tremble and obey without objection to their husbands. Today, it's a funny moment in the service, because it's now believed that the phrase means the woman should respect and consider her husband, as he was informed to love her, be himself, and sacrifice for her in an earlier reading. To show the playfulness and lightheartedness of today's received meaning, the wife steps on her husbands foot with a laugh, to show that she will not be going down easily!  Sometimes, he'll even step on her foot (lightly) to throw her off guard. 

The Evil Eye- During the ceremony, superstitious wedding attendants may wear traditional eye charms to ward off the evil eye. The belief in the evil eye, also called vaskania, stems from ancient times, when it was believed that some people were so jealous and envious that if they looked upon something or someone, it brought destruction. A version of that belief persists in the Orthodox Church today, so the evil eye symbol has carried through generations to remind us that jealousy and envy have no place in a wedding or a marriage. 

Martyrika- These witness pins are small lapel ribbons handed out at the end of the ceremony and worn by guests as proof of witnessing the wedding. The traditional pin is made of pink, white or blue ribbon and features a tiny cross or icon in the center. Personalization is optional, and the sponsors- or koumbari traditionally hand out the pins as guests are leaving the church. 

The Wedding Favors- The white, sugar-coated almonds (known by their Greek name, koufeta, or by their Italian name, bonboniere) are placed on the tray with the crowns and will later be offered to the guests. In the early days of the Church, honey dipped almonds were offered to the newlyweds by the priest. The white symbolizes purity. The egg shape represents fertility and the new life which begins with marriage. The hardness of the almond represents the endurance of marriage and the sweetness of the sugar symbolizes the sweetness of future life. The odd number of almonds that each guest receives is indivisible, just as the bride & groom shall remain undivided. Guests will receive either 3, 5, 7, 9 or 11 koufeta, with the most common number in Greece being 7 (the same as the Divine Mysteries of the Church) and in the U.S. being 5 (also symbolizing health, joy, fertility, prosperity and longevity). 

 Some believe that after the ceremony, the almonds and ribbon should be shared amongst the single women who will then place the ribbon under their pillows that night and see the man they will marry in their dreams. Sometimes, the almonds are wrapped in white tulle with blue ribbon to represent the colors of the Greek flag. 

Candles- Handmade and beautifully decorated wedding lambades (Candles) are traditional and essential in an Orthodox church wedding. The bride and groom each hold a lighted candle for a majority of the service, reminding the couple of the light of Christ who is with them throughout the sacrament and their coming life together. They are usually tapered, white and 18-24" in height. They are lit by the Priest during the service and handed to the couple. They symbolize the oil lamps of the 5 wise maidens in the Parable of the Ten Maidens in the Gospel of Matthew (5 were wise and 5 were foolish) and they also represent the spiritual willingness of the couple to receive Christ and his light. These candles should never be thrown in the garbage or reused for a baptism, but rather should be burned down- either at the church or at home. 

Ivy- Often incorporated into bridal bouquet, ivy symbolizes everlasting love & protection in Greece. 

Kissing- Not only the the Kiss a sign of love in Greek culture- it is one of the deepest symbols of respect that one person can offer to another. At a Greek Orthodox wedding, there are many moments throughout the ceremony in which the Priest will prompt the Bride, the Groom, the Koumbari or other important players to kiss the Holy Gospel (and in turn, the hand of the priest), the Stefana, or each other. Just before the Father of the Bride hands over his daughter to the Groom, the Groom will kiss the Father of the Bride’s right hand to show a sign of deep respect, honor and gratitude. 
   At the end of the wedding, guests come up to the alter to offer congratulations to the bride & groom in the form of 1, 2 or even 3 kisses on the cheek depending upon the cultural tradition of the family...and of course, it would not be a wedding without a kiss between the Bride and the Groom. It is a western cultural influence that the Bride and the Groom kiss at the end of the ceremony. However some couples wait until they are outside of the Church before getting too romantic. (http://greekweddingtraditions.com was an amazing source of info on Kissing in a Greek wedding)

Vows- Vows are not exchanged in the church ceremony, as it is accepted that the couple are serious about marriage by the sole fact that they are appearing in the church on their wedding day. Sometimes the couple will give a vow-like thank you speech at the reception to each other, their parents and their loved ones.

"Na Zisetel"- meaning "Long life to you!", this exclamation is often wished by the guests for the couple at the end of the ceremony in a shower of confetti and love. The guests have been given small pouches of rice or paper confetti and they either throw it as the couple circles the table or as they leave the church. When rice is used, it's symbolic as a Greek pun arising from the word rice "ryzi" in Greek and the word "rizono" which means to make roots. The couple, after being showered with rice or confetti, should become permanently connected together as if having roots.

Click here for Part 2- Greek Wedding Reception, Dances, Food, Post-Wedding Customs and Dress!

Weddings Across the Board...Polish Wedding Traditions

In choosing today's 'Weddings Across the Board' traditions, I thought about the backgrounds of a few friends of mine and my friend Amber came to mind. Amber is getting married this Spring and is going to be a beautiful bride. I feel lucky to be one of her bridesmaids. I love that we met in 1995 and have gone through middle school, high school, college (both at PSU) and post-college life together and are still going strong :) I don't know if she and her fiance, Dave, plan to incorporate her Polish heritage into their wedding at all, but she may find it interesting- as I did- to learn about some of the traditions of her ancestors. As with other cultures, the rituals vary slightly based upon the region of Poland, and over time, some of the traditions have changed or been scaled back a bit (such as the 3-day celebration, which is now down to just 1 or 2) when incorporated around the world. Here we go...

When to Schedule A Polish Wedding-

   Most Polish weddings take place on Saturdays and continue through Sundays. The marriage ceremony and wedding reception for all guests are held on Saturday, while a smaller, more private party for close friends and family is continued on Sunday. There are no weddings during the 40-day Lent before Easter and during the Advent before Christmas, as those times are dedicated to penance and preparation for the most important Christian holidays, so there is not space for public celebrations and parties involving dancing. 

Bachelor & Bachelorette Parties-
These parties sometimes take place the night before the wedding, but mainly the Friday or Saturday a week or so beforehand.  The groom and his friends usually bar hop all night, and the bride and her friends either bar hop or have drinks and dinner at the bride's home. 

Here Comes the Bride...and the Groom- 
   In Polish tradition, the bride & groom arrive at the church at the same time and walk down the aisle together. Long ago, the guests would also meet the happy couple at her parents' house and they would all proceed to the church together. If a parent of the bride or groom was deceased, they would make a stop at the cemetery to invite the spirit of the parent to celebrate with them, and to ask for a blessing over the marriage. 

Transporting The Newlyweds-

Horsedrawn carriages were traditional at Polish weddings -- the bride and groom used to ride to and from the ceremony this way, with the wedding guests following after them to the reception by foot. Sometimes, in a smaller village, they all walked together. 

Bread, Bread Wine (and Salt)-
  Before the ceremony, or at the beginning of the reception, the bride & groom's parents give the couple a ceremonial gift of bread, lightly sprinkled with salt, representing the prosperity and bitterness that all couples encounter throughout their lives. This shows that although their life may be difficult at times, they can and must learn to cope with life's struggles together. The parents may make a short speech and may also offer wine, wishing that the couple will never thirst and will have a life of good health, good cheer and the company of many friends. 

The parents then kiss the newly married couple as a sign of welcome, unity and love.

Best man=the Easiest Job-
 If you should be asked to be a best man in a Polish wedding, say yes. You don't have rings to hold, a speech to give, any major responsibilities except for walking in a straight line behind the bride and groom along with a bridesmaid and holding some envelopes, and yet you get an invitation the the whole celebration. 


Reading Your Invitation, and Checking it Twice- 
 In Poland, you may get an invitation for only the ceremony, or you may get an invitation for the ceremony and the reception. Read carefully, as you don't want to deal with the awkwardness of showing up for the whole party and then going home mid-afternoon bummed and confused.

Ceremony-
  The wedding ceremony itself often involves a mass and includes the vows and blessing of the marriage. In Poland, both the bride and the groom repeat the whole pledge after the priest, who leads them and witnesses their vows. The bride and groom enter the marriage and make promises of love, faithfulness, marital honesty and never leaving the spouse until death. Polish weddings are both civil and religious; the wedding party would first visit a magistrate and then head to the church for the public ceremony. This is because historically, despite the fact that most Polish families are Catholic, the country would not recognize the marriage until the couple came to the magistrate. Today, the laws have changed slightly and couples may be able to have their officiant submit the union to the country while they go right from the church to the party!  

Throwing Money-

  After exiting the church, the happy couple are traditionally showered with handfuls of loose change. They are then expected to pick it all up. Yes, really. Starting out on married life groveling around on the pavement for pennies like bums is considered lucky, as it can only get better for the couple from there. At one point in the past, guests rained oats and barley down on the couple, and the bride would sometimes throw handfuls of straw onto the boys and girls in attendance. Anyone who was hit by straw first was believed to be married before all the others. Another belief was that the first bridesmaid to touch the bride after the ceremony would also marry that year. 

Signed, Sealed, Delivered-

  Despite the potentially humiliating experience of picking up change on the ground in front of all of their loved ones, the bride and groom keep smiling and chugging along, because what comes next is much better.  In Polish tradition, guests line up to pay their respects to the couple and show their congratulations. Many guests will bring the bride three kisses on the cheek and a bouquet of flowers, and will hand the groom a sealed envelope of cash. The bride hands her flowers to a bridesmaid and the groom hands the envelopes to the best man (pretty much the extent of his responsibilities for the day). 

Barricade-
  This is honestly one of the stranger rituals that I've read about and seems to be a newer addition to weddings in certain areas of Poland.  Once every guest had kissed and hugged the couple, it is time to head to the reception site, be it a restaurant, banquet hall, or one of the newlyweds' houses. On the way to the destination, a popular custom is for guests to create barricades on the road by either with people or objects so that the couple cannot get by unless they give out food, vodka or money. They can be stopped multiple times before being allowed to pass and head to their party.

The Reception-
   Let it suffice to say that at a traditional Polish wedding, there will be a lot of food. Like, way too much. You should not attempt to eat everything served to you if you want to survive the night. You should regard the food as symbolic-- a symbol of wealth and plenty, an overwhelming feast for the happy event. Sometimes, the groom will wear a funny hat at the reception, showing that the marriage will be full of happiness and laughter. 

Sto Lat-

   I've heard this song at many a birthday celebration with Amber over the years, and I love that it's included in the wedding reception, too! PS I didn't know what it meant until now.  So if the bride & groom do the salt & bread ceremony at the reception (which is common these days), all Polish guests in the vicinity will break into song. The song is known as “Sto lat” (“100 years”) and is the same song you will hear sung at birthday parties and presidential inaugurations. Here are the words — the song may be song multiple times throughout the reception, so get ready!

Sto lat, sto lat,

Niech żyje/żyją, żyje/żyją nam.

Sto lat, sto lat,

Niech żyje/żyją, żyje/żyją nam,

Jeszcze raz, jeszcze raz, niech żyje/żyją, żyje/żyją nam,

Niech żyje/żyją nam!

which translates roughly into English as:

A hundred years, a hundred years,

We want him/her/them to live.

A hundred years, a hundred years,

We want him/her/them to live,

Once again, once again, we want him/her/them to live!

A nice little choir version of Sto Lat. 

Start at 1:30 to hear a longer wedding version of Sto Lat. 

Keep watching for some intense wedding kisses. 

Then the dancing begins. In Poland, dancing is required at weddings, and not just wiggle-sway-jump around-fist pump dancing. Traditionally, a wedding has called for proper dancing, in pairs. Dancing schools stay busy for this reason. Today, we may see slightly less formal dancing taking place, and I even came across a few videos on YouTube of Polish brides & grooms with fun surprise first dances like we might see here. 

The Money Dance- 
Polish wedding guests either pin money to the bride's dress or veil, or hand it to the maid of honor, who places it into an apron that she wears, for a chance to dance with the bride. This money is said to go toward honeymoon expenses. Oftentimes, the dance starts with the bride & her dad, and may end with the groom throwing in his wallet, surpassing all contributions and winning! Alternatively, after her dad and all of the guests dance with the bride, they may form a tight circle around her while the groom tries to break through. Once he does, he picks up his bride and carries her away from the wedding reception (I imagine this happens at the end of the night)

That's the Spirit- 

   Vodka is a big deal at Polish weddings and is only consumed collectively. Sometimes the night starts with zapicie, which literally means "to wash down" or "to drink", and involves a glass of beer or vodka being passed from person to person. After that, it's typical for all guests' glasses to be filled with vodka, somebody to propose a toast, everyone to drink vodka and glasses to be refilled to prepare for the next toast.  Sometimes there will be a special vodka prepared according to a traditional recipe known only to an elderly relative, and sometimes plans for the vodka are the first step of wedding planning, even before shopping for the bride's dress. Do not be tempted to fill in the time between vodka toasts with a beer or a glass of wine if you want to live! Also, it's said that if a Polish bride can drink from her glass without spilling, the marriage will be lucky. 

This Wedding Takes the Cake-

The cake is cut and distributed to the overstuffed guests at midnight, or at some other random time. Then they might wheel in an entire roasted cow, just in case anybody's ready for a snack. 

We're Up All Night to Have Fun- 

   The reception usually includes polka music and dancing, and typically lasts as long as the guests want to stay, in most cases until 3 or 4 in the morning. Polish weddings are known for an unbelievable abundance of all kinds of foods and alcohol. In the past decades, Polish weddings were basically two-day feasts with dancing and games. In recent years, most people scale their budgeting and time, so the weddings start to resemble wedding receptions in the West with a nice dinner and a short duration. 

  That being said, weddings in the countryside are usually much bigger than weddings in the city, mainly because everyone knows each other, so most get invited to the wedding unless there is some conflict going on between the families and they're close to home so they might as well stay and party all weekend. Thus, weddings in the country tend to be longer and more extravagant because more people attend and more guests return on the following day to celebrate, eat, drink, and dance some more. If a father can afford it, the wedding might even last 3 days. 

Tossing the Bouquet & Catching Some Clothing- 

The tossing of the bouquet at a Polish wedding was traditionally pretty seriously. In the half an hour or so before the tossing of the bouquet, there was a gradual evacuation of all unmarried females over the age of about 24. To be 25 or older and still in that circle around the bride is considered shameful and you don't really want to be there. (This seems a lot less fun than what we do, doesn't it?)

  Polish men also get the chance to make utter fools of themselves scrambling after discarded clothing. The groom’s tie is the sought after item in this case. By this time of the night, any male who is still able to stand, regardless of age, is considered a good catch.

Reaching the Threshold-

The happy couple is expected to be at the party until the last guest leaves, the idea being that you have the rest of your lives to be together, so tonight be a good host and stay and entertain your guests. Once the wedding is over and the couple arrives to their own house or apartment, the groom has to carry his bride over the threshold for the first time they enter the place after being married. This is to prove that he will always carry his treasured wife in his arms throughout their whole live together.

Well That Was Fun, Let's Do It Again-

  The second day of a 2-day Polish wedding is known as poprawiny and you’re most likely to come across it at a traditional village affair. Guests go home in the morning, sleep for awhile, then get up and do it all (minus the church part) again. Ever wish you could relive your wedding day? Polish weddings make that possible. How fun!  The second night is traditionally much more relaxed than the first and may be held at one of the newlyweds' parents' homes. It’s a party to celebrate the fact that the previous night’s party went well, or to make up for it if it didn't. There's often a good amount of food and drink left from the previous night for guests to enjoy. 

Unveiling the Bride- 

  On the last night of the wedding celebration (or around midnight, in the case of a 1-day wedding), the popular oczepiny or unveiling takes place. The bride's veil is removed and her czepek (a married woman's cap) is placed on her head. Historically, this cap was a gift to the bride from her godmother and was reserved for her to wear only to church, folk festivals, and for burial upon her death. 

   This tradition is still prevalent for many Polish brides today, as it represents a rite of passage into marriage and wife-dom. All single ladies circle the bride as the maid or matron of honor stands behind her and removes her veil. Music is played, as a married, female guest is given the responsibility of pinning the cap on the bride as all married women circle around the her. At this moment, the bride is officially considered a married woman.

  Another variation of this tradition involves the mother removing the bride's veil and placing it on the head of her maid or matron of honor, who then dances with the best man, before passing it to the next bridesmaid in the circle, who dances with the next groomsman in line, etc. This ritual represents the bride's wishes for her maids to have good fortune in happiness and love themselves.  

Whether you're planning a wedding in Poland, you're planted somewhere else in the world with Polish roots, or you're just learning more about Polish weddings like me, I hope that this info was interesting and helpful to you! If you're inspired, go ahead and incorporate some of these traditions in your own wedding, and let me know how it goes :) Oh, and go ahead and check out the Polish Wedding Traditions Wediquette Pinterest board for more!